the earth is green..

couple of the day!!!

Syawal '07 .... the last raya in moscow for me..... it is totally a different feeling beraya di perantauan... i've gone thru 5 aidilfitri n ramadhan here, n this is gonna be the last... though i can cook all the juadah for raya, have fun with the others... bertakbir, sembahyang raya n bermaaf-maafan, but i don have my family here... i miss berhari raya wt them a lot, terasa syahdu dan kosong bile x dapat cium tangan mak n my sis n bro... yet, i'm enjoying my raya to the fullest... gonna make this raya the most unforgettable one....

the best housemate tat i cud never forget... gma, sue n nana...

i might say that hannan n i, the hottest couple for raya this year... believe it or not, just look at the pic... haha, bit crazy but this kaler, hijau pucuk pisang really amazing..... suit us well ritee.... so, i'm considering this colour on my future wedding... but a frd told me that we've always been the centre of attraction in any events or function... terasa bangga pon ade but i just dunno, maybe it is just the way how we act and how we talk to pple... we shud give respect at all time n only then pple will respect you n look at you wherever u go....





ok, on the raya eve, i had had a very2 short sleep... 1hour and a half only.... start cooking at midnight n finished around 3a.m.... my body was really tired but my eyes still fresh.... so i end up cleaning and tidying the kitchen, toilets n my room, ironing the baju raya.... n baring2 sambil berangan harap2 bole dapat duit raya.... Z.... shieda nak duit raya gak... huhu, jeles nih..





solat sunat raya was held at the embassy, we managed to get there by 9a.m... n luckily they haven't start their praying yet.... semasa duduk bertakbir, there's one auntie sat next to me, n try to get me talking to her.. she wore red jubah with red tudung... been wondering who's this woman cz i know all the embassy staff, but i haven't meet her b4.... then she smiles n said that she's a mother to a doctor here... n now waiting for the son to come back....n i was really2 surprised, she is dr.sheikh's mom.... she's so humble... she's a great lady... OMG... enjoyed talking with her cz i know dr.sheikh quite well, had dinner few times with him, go bowling together, even he came to hannan's room...ok, enough with the astranout...



as usual, we had makan2 afta sembahyang n sessi bergambar..... took a lot pictures with different pple... i ate a little only since i got mine waiting in hannan's room.... we're organizing a small open house... only to the closest friend... been thinking to open it for all, but i cudn't find enough time to cook that much.... bcz i just want to enjoy my raya.... insyaallah, nx time, maybe aidilAdha ke... or ape2 la, i'll invite all my fren, insyaAllah.. so sorry to those not invited tis time...

aidilfitri in autumn..

n today, i am so relieved cz so far tis raya went well, n my biscuits raya dah berkurang.. alhamdulillah..

the menu....

1/nasi himpit....
2/rendang ayam
3/ayam masak merah
4/sambal @ kuah kacang
5/ kuah lodeh..... + nasi himpit = lontong!!!

the biskut raye....

1/mama carie (erina call tis one marble biscuit)
2/crystal balls
3/cornflakes madu
4/almond london
5/choc chip cookies
6/mango pineapple tart
7/biskut makmur
8/kek gula hangus @ sarang semut

nurul syuhada nurul ain..... TV3's reality show Malaysian Top Host... i admire her a lot..

osu mubarak bairam....

selamat hari raya aidilFitri.... !!! semoga syawal yg menjelma membawa sejuta makna dan kebahagiaan buat kita semua....


menu for raya... of course kuih raye... nnt shieda tunjukkan picture2 ok, then tonite nak masak lauk pauk pulak.... nasi himpit dah siap, alhamdulillah... la nie, baru je siap bakar kek gula hangus @ kek sarang semut... jadik bersarang2 macam sarang anai2.... kne relax dulu sekejap, pahni leh sambung masak juadah untuk pagi raya esok...

LoVE n caRe

tired.... really i am... finished class a bit late on friday... n i was rushing back to the hostel cz i'd planned to visit cik yun and the family that day.... din got much time as darling dah siap berkemas n ask me to be quick... otherwise we'll miss the bus... throw all my stuffs from the bag n grabbed a towel, tshirt, my "adek2" n pe2 yg tercapai... x sampai 5minit shieda dah kat luar hostel semula....

darlin n me with cikyun n cikliza... 1 Syawal 2006

reached rosinka at 5.00pm... cikyun, the wife cikliza, n humairah still on their way back from blue mosque n EMC...luckily syafiqah n the boys were waiting for us... they got home by 5.45pm, n kami yg perempuan terus masuk ke dapur untuk masak juadah berbuka.... cikyun had been craving for kari ayam, so no other choice la... cikliza cooked the curry n fried some mee goreng mamak, while me- fried chicken wings n sayur.... hehe... simple2 je....

later that nite afta terawikh, me n cik liza dah mule bergosip kat dapur sambil buat kuih... well, mulut bercakap tapi tangan kitorang gerak jugak.... so these are the kuih we'd been making...

cek mek molek

ngan cucur badak....

Sunday, Oct 7th, gonna be lutfi 11th birthday... cik liza asked me to bake some cake... i end up baking two simple cakes... plain butter cake n chocolate cake.....

the birthday cake....

plus i bake bolognese lasagna... ahnaf been begging me to cz he said it has been 2yrs since the last time i made lasagna for them... i love kids n i'll just happily try my best to fulfill their wish cz i don wanna them to feel sad n bad... i love u all kids....

fahmi, lutfi, affan n ahnaf

saya sayang adik....

yesterday...

i left hostel a bit late to the class.. i should go by 7.45 but instead it was 8.05 when i reached downstairs...

i was not feeling well actually, felt like wana blackout in the metro but i managed to get to the hospital at last...

i missed the conference,... thank god it took an hour for the conference to finish and my lecturer no longer border to check the attendance of his students....

and i just realized that i left my note book on sue's table... dammit, i should have check my bag first... so i got no material for the class..... i finished all the cases and questions but pointless... sya noticed that i look pale n sick... then yani n yati said so... n suddenly few tears dropped down my cheek... i'm not sick, i'm just feel a bit stress inside... but i can't tell, so i lied that i'm sick... khairul been so kind to offer his seat cz otherwise i'll be sitting rite infront of my prof, n definitely he'll ask wat's happening to me... the whole class worried cz i've never act like that for almost 5yrs we've been in the same class...

my classmate... all black... n white...

finished class at 11.45, and i decided to skip the lecture.... oso for the first time since our class at the hospital.... really need a well rest... the truth is, shieda tibe2 terjaga malam tu about 2.30am, abah came in my dream.... n i just can't stop thinking bout him... i miss abah... so that's y i wrote the entree bout my abah.... i din sleep till 5.00am.... should just wait till 5.30 to call darling for sahur but i'm so sleepy n fell asleep....



so basically this is the reason i look pale n sick yesterday.... though actually i'm 100% healthy... i'm homesick....



and for buka puase, i prepared nasi kerabu and apam balik khas untuk my sayang cz the other day i made, i gave them to my girl frens n kept only 2 slices for him... not that shieda kejam, i dunno he loves apam balik, but now i do.... i'm blaming myself for not knowing that earlier... should i make a list of his favourite dishes??? owh... no.. no...no... he's been mentioning a lot these days that he loves everything i cook, so i can cook anything and that will be his favourites...so sweet of u darling....

Girls Vs Women

me, darling and chin joo

Girls are insecure; Women are confident.

Girls dress trashy; Women dress classy.

Girls are students; Women are teachers.

Girls are listeners; Women are preachers.

Girls makes babies; Women raise babies.

Girls have sex; Women make love.

Girls are weak; Women are strong.

Girls fight; Women walk away.

Girls argue; Women speak.

Girls give in; Women compromise.

Girls envy. Women appreciate.

Girls give up. Women strive.

Girls look. Women see.

Girls take. Women give.

Girls follow; Women influence.







I am not a girl anymore yet not a woman..... i can be both at a time....

LOVE is CINTA

i love my dear... i love my man.... he's the one and only... he's so heartly-man, he's romantic, he treats me well, also he can read my face n my mind.... i can never hide something from him but that's just great... cz if anything ever happen we can settle it straight away.... i like to merajuk cos he is so good at memujuk, he likes sing me songs.... baby, i love u so much dear... i love u just the way u are... cos u really great... mmmuahhhhhzzz..

ohh God....

i miss my mom... i really do miss her a lot.... wondering what is she doing rite now??? she must probably miss me too....


mom, sometimes i just feel like u'r my fren.... cz i can talk anything with you, i don't mind telling u secrets, u don't get angry easily... u never raise up ur voice once i'm big enough, cuz u know i'm so fragile, i'll burst into tears easily, not that i'm too cengeng, it just that it's me.....


n i miss abah too.... he had sacrifice his days doing everything he can just to make sure mom and us can enjoy life just like others.... we'r not rich people in term of money and assets.... but we'r rich in loves n joys... abah married mak sbb abah kesian tgk keadaan mak mase tu... they get married when abah was 21 and mak 13....the truth is mom was a bright girl, she got an offer to study in english school but nenek didn't allow her.... probably if mom can continue study that time, she'll have a good job today.... but then she'll marry another guy and i'll not be here today... so we thank god for everything....


i still remember abah cerita mase abah join army dulu, mak tak ikut same cz jage anak2 kat rumah... she had "along" at the age 14..... by that time, mak amik upah jahit baju n sulam... abah xkasi mak kerja sbb kesian kat mak, abah suruh mak tanam pokok2cili keliling rumah.... abah bersara awal dari askar mase umo 42tahun, sbb my aldest bro, Angah died in accident just a week b4 hari raya, by that time i was just 2yrs old...


and we started our new life then.... luckily abah was the only guy in her family so he got all the tanah from his late father...... abah menoreh getah, sometimes mak ikut sama.... n they brought us together.... i still remember mom will get up early seawal 4.30pagi to prepare food for us... cz we'r still young and knows nothing, all we want is food and play..... we'll go to kebun getah at about 6.30 in the morning, mom will bring ubat nyamuk, otherwise i'll be scratching all over cz i'm so allergic to mosquitoes n their bites... dad taught us how to tap rubber, and every single thing... dari menoreh, mengumpul, memproses, menggelek jadi getah skrap sampailah hantar ke kedai cina.... we hated it if it was raining cz getah tak jadi and that means we have nothing for that day....


mase sekolah rendah, abah used to send me with his motor buruk and the rubber tapper uniform...... sometimes shieda malu ngan kawan2 but it's my life so nothing to be shame... dad gave us 20 cents a day, for sekolah pagi and sekolah agama in the evening.... hardly can buy jajan or icecream.... mom will prepare food for us.... n that time mom jual nasi lemak and kiuh muih, she cook plenty and put them in warong2 org kampung..... mak tak pernah lupa sediakan air panas untuk kitorang mandi pagi, i can say that i never mandi with air sejuk pagi2 cz mom taknak anak2 sakit and ponteng sekola sampailah semua orang lepas darjah enam..... she is the greatest mom ever....

shieda selalu cemburu dgn kawan2 sekolah yg dapat hadiah dari parents bile diorang perform good cz diorang akan show off and bercerita..... though i got number one straight from darjah 2 till darjah 6, shieda x merasai semua tu.... abah selalu kata, bukan abah xberduit, abh xnak anak2 abah jadi hmaba duit dan harta, abah xmau anak2 abah buat sesuatu hanya kerana inginkan ganjaran.... i learned a lot from that....i thanked my teachers for giving exercise books (buku tulis garis satu n kotak2) as presents for those excellent student.... normally i'll get about 30-40 books, for 6-7 anugerah... enough to cover the whole next school session every year....i made my parents and siblings proud of me.... at least dad can save some money.... akhirnya abah belikan basikal baru Power kaler merah sebagai hadiah nombor satu darjah lima.... harga RM150... i was so touched...

when i got tawaran to SAKTI, everyone pleased but worried kalau2 pakai banyak duit.... but along and kaka yg mase tu dah kerja cikgu said they'll help.... so i got into boarding school.... and kalau parents orang lain datang melawat dgn kete besar2, mom and dad just ride on old vespa from Muar to Kota Tinggi.... they took 4-5hours to get to my school.... overall they'll spend 10-12 hours on the road.... i'll be surprised each time they came because i never ask them to do so.... when it suddenly rain, it'll take them longer cz have to stop sumwhere... i didn't get much for one month spend.. most of the time RM30... this is a lot to us....

keadaan a bit berubah afta abah mula usahakan kelapa sawit.... harga masih mahal mula2 and abah earned much from sawit... merasalah shieda duit RM 50-RM70 dalam tangan.... kalau tak habis duit biasiswa BKP RM 200 setahun tu... cikgu selalu tanye awak buat ape asyik keluarkan duit, i'd no answer for them.... kadang2 seluar hilang, sabun kene curi and banyak la... so kene beli baru... nak bitau abah takut kene marah....

pernah sekali tu shieda balik kg and terlepas bus nak balik ke kota tinggi... so abah temankan shieda naik taxi g kluang dulu, then sambung ke kota tinggi.... sampai sekolah dalam kol 4ptg, abah anta sampai gate hostel then terus keluar tggu taxi lain nak balik muar.... i didn't know that there's no taxi, abah tggu sampai kol 7lebih barulah dapat..... ni pon sbb my classmate ternampak ade sorang pakcik sorang2 tggu kat busstop, n from the description she made i knew it was my abah.... n when i asked mom, yes it is true....

i hug abah, kiss him when i got 8A's in PMR.... i came up the first during my form one, and afta that i make sure i'm the top three in my batch.... i managed to do so cz tersemat satu dalam minda nak ubah nasib keluarga.... once i told dad i wanna go camping at DUMAI, Sumatera fo the scouts jamboree....dat is when i'm in early form 4.... at first dad said i might as well give up and give chance to others yg mampu, and i was so sad.... then mak pujuk abah and akhirnya sebagai hadiah PMR shieda dapat g.... dad gave me RM100 sebagai duit belanja seminggu kat sane....

when i was sitting for SPM, i got news that abah being admitted to hospital and is having dialysis twice a week.... he's been sick long time already just me the only one in the family that didn't know about it cz abah tak nak my concentration terganggu... i did well in SPM, but xsempat abah nak kongsi gembira with me, on the 7th Syawal hari raya tahun 2002, abah kembali ke rahmatullah... abah tak sempat tau my results... abah xsempat tgk anak abah ni berjaya.... i got 8 A1, only my english spoiled sbb i did teringat kat abah mase exam that i lost idea for the essay writing... even my english teacher felt sorry for me cz they know i deserves A1 for that if looking thru my performances before... still i'm happy with the results... but i did burst into tears cz what's the point of these result... i wanna share it with abah... i went to kubur abah the day afta to tell him the news....

so here i am now, studying medic to become a doctor to fulfil wasiat arwah abah.... he wanted me to be a doctor so i can cure him... shieda lupekan segala cita2 lain.... i throw away my maths,add maths and physics that i love the most, i'm concentrating on this way.... i didn't regret cz i'm doing it for my abah....

alfatihah.... amanlah dikau abah di samping orang2 beriman..... ameen...

dear darling, i'm sorry i did cry again yesterday.... it's not because of u, it just that i can't stop thinking bout mak and abah..... in two weeks time genaplah 5tahun pemergian abah..... n this year gonna be last for me to celebrate raya here... i miss raya with my family.... i am totally homesick now....

in this crazy life

You're a falling star,

You're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.

When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.

Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life,

and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you,

You make me sing.You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

people and chances

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near......

Who would not rather trust and be deceived?

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough...

love and trust

i miss my mom..... i love u so much mom.... i'm afraid to say u'r the only person who really knows and understand me....

"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

"It doesn't take a minute to have faith in someone, it's not even an hour to trust people.... at least it took one day and most people takes a lifetime to trust and have faith with someone..... but it takes only a single minute that trust can somehow vanish, and then a lifetime to start building up the trust again...."



i peep thru someone's blog today, afta a long time all that disaster took place and shit my name, that i promised to stop readin her blog.... i just made a random visit just to know what's happening there.... i've been wondering, are you refering your thought to me???? i'm sorry if u get knocked by my previous2 post, but sincerely i didn't intend to.... i just wana cry out my happiness and share with others.... i'm sorry if i hurt ur feeling.....



u'r afraid what if the beautiful days of mine fades away too???..... yes, frankly speaking i'm afraid if it going to happen.... maybe not this time, but tomorow, or month and years later.... or maybe he'll regret for his entire life with his decision in choosing me, n to let u down.... who knows????? yes, u've been "frd" and having close relationship with him for 6months, and i guess i's real hard for both of u to forget all those memories...people always have their own secrets..... they always cheat on others to protect themselves..... and if that ever gg to happen that proves to the whole world i'm the stupid one, i'm the one who had being fool.... my life definitely has been wasted for 4years loving him (plus another 2years, i hold the feel that i like him without his knowing)......

abang ala (noorshahalal).... he's my only bro, he can read me..... he just pretend he didn't know wut happened...

let me tell u pple, there's nothing special about me... to compare me with her, i admit she's far too good, pretty, very easy gg.... i'm the bumi and she's the langit.... i'm the pipit, she's the enggang.... told u all the truth, it's me who fall in love with him at my very first sight.... and it's not his attempt to be so serious with me at first.... i'm so pathetic..... my abg syuk once told him the secret that i like him... .... but then he aproached me and we just love each other and i do hope the bless from everyone.... pls... don't put our relationship at a stake again.... i had enough, i lost count people.... i just want to cherish my life with the guy i love, and i do hope he's being honest 100% tis time.... i'm giving him the last chance...



i'm building up again my faith and trust, it's not easy ok since several time it had been broke and vanished.... i had enough tears, he cried twice for his mistakes n begging me to forgive him.... so, pls.... i hate that i love him so much......



i promised him last nite to make several types of kuih raya today since i got one day off, but i'm in no mood rite now... i'm sorry dear....

we had a big fight just the day before we flew back to moscow.... we both cried like hell.... i gave my last word n let

him do the decision....

i didn't force him.... he made his own decision...