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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

ohh God....

i miss my mom... i really do miss her a lot.... wondering what is she doing rite now??? she must probably miss me too....


mom, sometimes i just feel like u'r my fren.... cz i can talk anything with you, i don't mind telling u secrets, u don't get angry easily... u never raise up ur voice once i'm big enough, cuz u know i'm so fragile, i'll burst into tears easily, not that i'm too cengeng, it just that it's me.....


n i miss abah too.... he had sacrifice his days doing everything he can just to make sure mom and us can enjoy life just like others.... we'r not rich people in term of money and assets.... but we'r rich in loves n joys... abah married mak sbb abah kesian tgk keadaan mak mase tu... they get married when abah was 21 and mak 13....the truth is mom was a bright girl, she got an offer to study in english school but nenek didn't allow her.... probably if mom can continue study that time, she'll have a good job today.... but then she'll marry another guy and i'll not be here today... so we thank god for everything....


i still remember abah cerita mase abah join army dulu, mak tak ikut same cz jage anak2 kat rumah... she had "along" at the age 14..... by that time, mak amik upah jahit baju n sulam... abah xkasi mak kerja sbb kesian kat mak, abah suruh mak tanam pokok2cili keliling rumah.... abah bersara awal dari askar mase umo 42tahun, sbb my aldest bro, Angah died in accident just a week b4 hari raya, by that time i was just 2yrs old...


and we started our new life then.... luckily abah was the only guy in her family so he got all the tanah from his late father...... abah menoreh getah, sometimes mak ikut sama.... n they brought us together.... i still remember mom will get up early seawal 4.30pagi to prepare food for us... cz we'r still young and knows nothing, all we want is food and play..... we'll go to kebun getah at about 6.30 in the morning, mom will bring ubat nyamuk, otherwise i'll be scratching all over cz i'm so allergic to mosquitoes n their bites... dad taught us how to tap rubber, and every single thing... dari menoreh, mengumpul, memproses, menggelek jadi getah skrap sampailah hantar ke kedai cina.... we hated it if it was raining cz getah tak jadi and that means we have nothing for that day....


mase sekolah rendah, abah used to send me with his motor buruk and the rubber tapper uniform...... sometimes shieda malu ngan kawan2 but it's my life so nothing to be shame... dad gave us 20 cents a day, for sekolah pagi and sekolah agama in the evening.... hardly can buy jajan or icecream.... mom will prepare food for us.... n that time mom jual nasi lemak and kiuh muih, she cook plenty and put them in warong2 org kampung..... mak tak pernah lupa sediakan air panas untuk kitorang mandi pagi, i can say that i never mandi with air sejuk pagi2 cz mom taknak anak2 sakit and ponteng sekola sampailah semua orang lepas darjah enam..... she is the greatest mom ever....


shieda selalu cemburu dgn kawan2 sekolah yg dapat hadiah dari parents bile diorang perform good cz diorang akan show off and bercerita..... though i got number one straight from darjah 2 till darjah 6, shieda x merasai semua tu.... abah selalu kata, bukan abah xberduit, abh xnak anak2 abah jadi hmaba duit dan harta, abah xmau anak2 abah buat sesuatu hanya kerana inginkan ganjaran.... i learned a lot from that....i thanked my teachers for giving exercise books (buku tulis garis satu n kotak2) as presents for those excellent student.... normally i'll get about 30-40 books, for 6-7 anugerah... enough to cover the whole next school session every year....i made my parents and siblings proud of me.... at least dad can save some money.... akhirnya abah belikan basikal baru Power kaler merah sebagai hadiah nombor satu darjah lima.... harga RM150... i was so touched...

when i got tawaran to SAKTI, everyone pleased but worried kalau2 pakai banyak duit.... but along and kaka yg mase tu dah kerja cikgu said they'll help.... so i got into boarding school.... and kalau parents orang lain datang melawat dgn kete besar2, mom and dad just ride on old vespa from Muar to Kota Tinggi.... they took 4-5hours to get to my school.... overall they'll spend 10-12 hours on the road.... i'll be surprised each time they came because i never ask them to do so.... when it suddenly rain, it'll take them longer cz have to stop sumwhere... i didn't get much for one month spend.. most of the time RM30... this is a lot to us....

keadaan a bit berubah afta abah mula usahakan kelapa sawit.... harga masih mahal mula2 and abah earned much from sawit... merasalah shieda duit RM 50-RM70 dalam tangan.... kalau tak habis duit biasiswa BKP RM 200 setahun tu... cikgu selalu tanye awak buat ape asyik keluarkan duit, i'd no answer for them.... kadang2 seluar hilang, sabun kene curi and banyak la... so kene beli baru... nak bitau abah takut kene marah....

pernah sekali tu shieda balik kg and terlepas bus nak balik ke kota tinggi... so abah temankan shieda naik taxi g kluang dulu, then sambung ke kota tinggi.... sampai sekolah dalam kol 4ptg, abah anta sampai gate hostel then terus keluar tggu taxi lain nak balik muar.... i didn't know that there's no taxi, abah tggu sampai kol 7lebih barulah dapat..... ni pon sbb my classmate ternampak ade sorang pakcik sorang2 tggu kat busstop, n from the description she made i knew it was my abah.... n when i asked mom, yes it is true....

i hug abah, kiss him when i got 8A's in PMR.... i came up the first during my form one, and afta that i make sure i'm the top three in my batch.... i managed to do so cz tersemat satu dalam minda nak ubah nasib keluarga.... once i told dad i wanna go camping at DUMAI, Sumatera fo the scouts jamboree....dat is when i'm in early form 4.... at first dad said i might as well give up and give chance to others yg mampu, and i was so sad.... then mak pujuk abah and akhirnya sebagai hadiah PMR shieda dapat g.... dad gave me RM100 sebagai duit belanja seminggu kat sane....

when i was sitting for SPM, i got news that abah being admitted to hospital and is having dialysis twice a week.... he's been sick long time already just me the only one in the family that didn't know about it cz abah tak nak my concentration terganggu... i did well in SPM, but xsempat abah nak kongsi gembira with me, on the 7th Syawal hari raya tahun 2002, abah kembali ke rahmatullah... abah tak sempat tau my results... abah xsempat tgk anak abah ni berjaya.... i got 8 A1, only my english spoiled sbb i did teringat kat abah mase exam that i lost idea for the essay writing... even my english teacher felt sorry for me cz they know i deserves A1 for that if looking thru my performances before... still i'm happy with the results... but i did burst into tears cz what's the point of these result... i wanna share it with abah... i went to kubur abah the day afta to tell him the news....

so here i am now, studying medic to become a doctor to fulfil wasiat arwah abah.... he wanted me to be a doctor so i can cure him... shieda lupekan segala cita2 lain.... i throw away my maths,add maths and physics that i love the most, i'm concentrating on this way.... i didn't regret cz i'm doing it for my abah....

alfatihah.... amanlah dikau abah di samping orang2 beriman..... ameen...

dear darling, i'm sorry i did cry again yesterday.... it's not because of u, it just that i can't stop thinking bout mak and abah..... in two weeks time genaplah 5tahun pemergian abah..... n this year gonna be last for me to celebrate raya here... i miss raya with my family.... i am totally homesick now....


7 love:

ReDbLoOdSnOw said...

same wit z arr shieda. z pown so close wit mom since dad passed away. Theres no secret between us...just like bestfwen taw. hehe..dont mind telling her bout my relationship with adam. sumtime she get bored arr coz me always talking bout adam 24/7...haha.


luckiy 4 u for still having both parents. while me...only had my mom..

tiffany said...

Z.... i only have mom rite now.... dad passed away 5yrs ago, on 7th syawal raya tahun 2002....

thank god i still have mom... we have a lot in common la, shieda pon slalu wat mak boring asyik2 kne dgr nama hannan aje.... hihi...

ReDbLoOdSnOw said...

eh shieda..ye la, x pasan lah bout the last part :P

...mcm ade persamaan jek kte. my dad passed away 6years ago on 6th syawal 2001 :(

dahla umo kte same...then both lost our dads on raya...al-fatihah wat our dads.

tiffany said...

sama2 kita sedekah alfatihah buat mereka... ameen...

jacaranda said...

err shida, sori la..tetibe i yg stranger ni nk bg comment lak..hope u dont mind..=)
frankly, i'm quite touched bace ur story..deep down in my heart, i know u're such a strong n wonderful gurl..even i didnt know u at all..n my father pn bru passed away end of dec 07..so, i do understand about it..papepn, i hope ur life ahead akan s'tiasa gembira n bahagia..=)

Anonymous said...

err shida, sori la..tetibe i yg stranger ni nk bg comment lak..hope u dont mind..=)
frankly, i'm quite touched bace ur story..deep down in my heart, i know u're such a strong n wonderful gurl..even i didnt know u at all..n my father pn bru passed away end of dec 07..so, i do understand about it..papepn, i hope ur life ahead akan s'tiasa gembira n bahagia..=)

rapheydhillo said...

Shieda,
I read this post today.. it really touched my heart... and i just wrote something on u in my blog.. hope u tak marah.

http://dhillo.blogspot.com/2010/05/to-shieda.html

-dhill-